Mary's Coping Skills on Full Display

September 1, 2009

Bob assessment seems fair enough -- Mary looks like a reasonable person. She'll probably understand...

September 2, 2009

Oh...nope, wait, she didn't understand at all. And I'm not referring to the job opportunity. Mary can't even handle taking the conversation into a different room. She clearly used to expecting the worst from her deadbeat husband. They can't even afford cable. Just look at their daughter, eyes glued to the blank screen, head adrift in a pool of her own really boring adventures.

Meanwhile, in Panel 3...fuck, you know what? No.

Bob Looks for a Job in the Woods, Actually Finds One

August 28, 2009
Undeterred by his municipality's slumping job market, Bob roams an unknown tract of wildnerness in pursuit of a steady paycheck. The decision seems odd but appears to pay off when he runs into a couple of sideburn-dependent acquaintances that also enjoy spending time on undeveloped land just outside of town. Nothing about this situation appears wholesome, but that water cooler's saying all the right things. Iniquity looms...

August 29, 2009

Poaching? In the swampy, alligator-infested woodlands where Bob whiles his weekdays away? You can count his left hand out.

August 31, 2009

Bob is not running out of ways to say that he needs the poaching money but lacks the resolve to commit a crime. Where did that dog go?

Theme of the Latest Mark Trail Adventure -- "Unemployment Blows"

August 26, 2009

Rusty's back, and Mark's willing to spend some quality time with him! A rare occasion indeed. Let's celebrate the moment with a closer look at this blog's namesake --

RUSTY

AGE: 10

HAIR: Blue

EYES: Black n' Wild

GRILL: Slightly spilled

CHEEKBONES: Squirrely

ADOPTION STATUS: Extremely adopted

EMOTIONAL MAKEUP: Upbeat in the most tragic way possible, yelly, interrogative

LIKES: Carrying dogs inappropriately, giving them emasculating names

SPECIAL ABILITIES: Eyebrows

In other, less important news, some family man named Bob is finding it difficult to find a job in today's economy. He should look into woodsy journalism as a profession. Mark does quite well by it.

Mark Willing to Tell Patty Lookalike That He Isn't Completely Satsified

August 25, 2009

Mark bids adieu to Sister Williams, barring any grievances he may have with the Lost Forest rehabilitation project. A complaint seems unlikely, but keep in mind that Mark hasn't found a reason to punch anyone yet, and few adventures go by without some kind of right cross being thrown.

Speaking of reasons to punch, Patty and erstwhile deaf-mute Doc Davis don't seem all that pleased with Mark's news. Perhaps their distate has less to do with what he's saying and more to do with that oblong cheekbone invading his left eye socket. Whatever. As long as Patty's breasts cast that kind of shadow, Mark will put up with this shit.

The Aftermath -- Ugly Sheriff Expands Homeland Security's Purview, Cowardly Joey Plans to Expose People

August 21, 2009

Mark's synopsis gets a D-minus for brevity but an A-plus for tact -- the action journalist's handsome features gradually vanish out of respect for the homely sheriff.

August 22, 2009

The DHS' website maintains a fairly comprehensive list of the department's responsibilities. Oddly enough, "cleaning up a few barrels of low-grade environmental waste at the behest of a repulsive local authority figure" isn't on it. If only there were some kind of agency dedicated to protecting the enviornment...

August 24, 2009

The only thing shadowy about Joey's apology is, well, all the shadows in his hospital room. They're on sleeves, that weird medicinal pitcher, his sister's breasts...pretty much everywhere. Crazy.

Sunday Selections: Flying Fish

Sunday is the only day of the week that Mark Trail makes any sense. NLR extends our appreciation for this moment of relative clarity by offering the Sunday edition of Mark Trail without any snarky, off-color commentary. This week's installment takes a closer look at the Flying Fish.

Zombie Matthau Hunts for a Little Undeserved Sympathy

August 20, 2009

Miraculously, Mark's bumbling would-be assassin didn't die after getting conked in the head with an empty metallic cylinder. One question, Elrod -- where's the disclaimer? You're encouraging youthful Mark Trail fans everywhere to hit each other over the head with empty barrels, and to make matters worse, none of them will die.

Poor, poor Zombie Matthau. All he wanted to do was shoot a young man with a high-powered rifle to warn him about the consequences of snitching on the mafia. Before he knew it, he was setting cars on fire, firing warning shots at Mark, and eventually, attempting to murder Mark after he offered a helping hand out of the woods. And look at him now, beaned on the noggin by a drum. God died today, and Jack Elrod just wrote the eulogy.

In case he doesn't make it, here's a touching tribute to the pinky-fingered assassin, the amateur arsoninst, the unwilling woodsman -- Zombie Matthau*.

*My disclaimer: I know he doesn't always look like Walter Matthau, but appearances can fluctuate (wildly) in Lost Forest, and when I first introduced him to the saga he was the spitting image. When Elrod refused to provide a name of his own, I stuck with Zombie Matthau.

Jack Elrod is Totally Following This Blog

August 19, 2009

From yesterday's post: "Zombie Matthau, you fool! You didn't realize that the reverberations from a single rifle shot were powerful enough to send that stable pile of drums all a-tumblin' down?"

As usual, I gave Mark too much credit -- he had no idea the drums were going to fall. Either that or he didn't expect one of the drums to merge with Zombie Matthau's head in a flash of white light.

When Mundane Monologues Meet, Awkward Mindgames Ensue

August 15, 2009

Negotiations begin. Mark, affable dumbo that he is, offers to guide his foe out of the woods in exchange for disarmament. Zombie Matthau balks at the terms. That tree wonders if Zombie Matthau knows how turned around he is. I bet he does.

August 16, 2009

Zombie Matthau's right about Mark -- he is crazy. Zombie Matthau's also right about that warning shot being a mistake. The only thing he's wrong about is resembling Zombie Matthau. His super tiny rifle also appears to be wrong.

August 18, 2009

There are several reasons to hate Mark Trail. Most are on display in today's strip. Consider --

EVERYBODY IS SAYING MISTER. Elrod found the most dated way to address someone and shoved it down our throats for three installments straight. They're all pussy weirdos, we get it! He's pulling the trigger with his fucking pinky finger!

Andy is telling himself to duck. Very plausible.

Zombie Matthau, you fool! You didn't realize that the reverberations from a single rifle shot were powerful enough to send that stable pile of drums all a-tumblin' down?

Mark did. That's why he arranged those phony negotiations: to create the sound waves necessary to rouse the barrels from their slumber! And you fell for it, Zombie Matthau. Now your tacky wardrobe will suffer the consequences.

Sunday Selections: Fires

Sunday is the only day of the week that Mark Trail makes any sense. NLR extends our appreciation for this moment of relative clarity by offering the Sunday edition of Mark Trail without any snarky, off-color commentary. This week's topic -- forest fire prevention.

Mark Gets Shot At, Humps Andy -- Just Another Day at the Office

August 12, 2009

As previously theorized, Mark's coverless perch turned him from voyeur into voyee, and now his little curly-qued dome looks ripe for a splitting.

Said dome, however, stands little chance of being split, because the man behind the scope lacks the will to kill a man, in spite of his willingness to open fire on one. And sure enough...

August 13, 2009

Slow Mark down? It didn't even shut him up! It's going to take more than a little unfriendly fire to slow down this search party, especially after it gets all spicy in panel three. Hard to tell if that's an expression of enjoyment or surprise on Andy chubby mug. Either way, I'm horrified. Let's take a closer look at that grip --

Gross.

Would-Be Assassin's Going to Settle Mark's Hash Mano a Monologue

August 11, 2009

Predictably, Mark's crow-startling shimmy up the worst tree in the forest compromised his location, and now it's advantage Matthau all over again. Will our Orange Assassin offer up another unrealistic shoulder wound --

...or will it be fatal this time around? Stay tuned.

Mark Climbs Up the Down Tree

August 10, 2009

The crows are saying what we're all thinking, Mark -- that's a good way to spot someone from above, but a better way to be spotted by someone below.

In other Trail-related news, Mark turned out to be correct about Zombie Matthau's "shoot Joey to encourage not talking" intentions...

...which we all would've realized if he'd been muttering super-pussy shit like this to himself earlier...

Sunday Selections: Raccoons

Sunday is the only day of the week that Mark Trail makes any sense. NLR extends our appreciation for this moment of relative clarity by offering the Sunday edition of Mark Trail without any snarky, off-color commentary. August 9's strip spotlights Raccoons and touches on the dangers of rabies.

Sister Williams' Curious Bedside Manner

August 5, 2009









Organized criminals have many ways of sending messages. They show up at family events, torture in abandoned warehouses, blow up cars, kidnap loved ones, take incriminating photos. If there's one way mobsters don't send a message, it's by gunning someone down in the woods. Unless that message is "we're attempting to kill you."


August 6, 2009









Joey's story is 75% nuts.



August 7, 2009









Three days later, and Sister Williams is still finding different spaces to occupy in Joey's hospital room.

An Extremely Normal Episode

August 4, 2009

Hmm. Mark puts 2+2 together, displays adequate instincts to track the shooter, and abstains from mentioning that Joey Williams has been shot.

Back at the hospital, Sister Williams breathes easy knowing that her brother's wound is not fatal. Grateful for the news, she turns to her right hand once again for a reassuring carress --

touching.

Andy's Superior Olefactory Senses Lead Mark to a Smoldering Car 15 Feet From the Crime Scene

August 3, 2009








Sweet Georgia peaches, Andy's uncovered quite the dilly pickle! Sometimes it takes a dog to smell a recently extinguished car fire.

For most people, "Holy Mackerel" is an outdated cliche. As the consummate naturalist, Mark actually worships fish, which means he is taking the lord's name in vain. Pretty heavy stuff for a man with dimples that can be seen from the back of his head.

With Mark n' Andy hot on his trail, Zombie Matthau needs a quick escape, which doesn't seem likely at this point --












If an idiot monologues in the woods and nobody can hear it, does he make a sound?

Sunday Selections: Whales

Sunday is the only day of the week that Mark Trail makes any sense. NLR extends our appreciation for this moment of relative clarity by offering the Sunday edition of Mark Trail without any snarky, off-color commentary. August 2's strip features whales.

Mark is New to this Whole Tracking Thing; Excitement Has Yet to Abound

July 30, 2009

Things were moving along pretty quickly there for a while -- people were getting shot, cars were burning, bad news was being borne horribly -- but the fun times are over. Now the long, repetitive process of closing the case begins.

July 31, 2009

Because three consecutive panels weren't enough, Mark takes another two to explain that Joey Williams has been shot. Great way to wrap up the week, Elrod, thank you very fucking much.

It's been a great first week back at NLR -- thanks to the readership. Please accept this collage of everything Mark said this week (plus an uncomfortable pic of Patty stretched as far as decency will allow) as a token of my appreciation.

Sunday Selections: the Jackrabbit

Sunday is the only day of the week that Mark Trail makes any sense. NLR extends our appreciation for this moment of relative clarity by offering the Sunday edition of Mark Trail without any snarky, off-color commentary. July 26's strip spotlights the Jackrabbit.

Sorry Ain't Gonna Save You From tha Sass, Trick.

July 29, 2009

Bitch must be tripping if she thinks a couple of "thank yous" and "sorrys" and "the attempt on her brother's life" make for sufficient penance when animals have died in the woodsy journalist's forest. Like an elephant, Mark never forgets.

Unlike an elephant, Mark lacks the cognitive ability needed to reconcile pieces of information into a working theory. Fortunately for him, discretion isn't high on the polluting gamblers' priority list. The nefarious trucking company can be traced by information found on the discarded barrels, as Mark and Joey figured out on this contraction-starved field trip a few days back--

Time is running out on the gamblers and their dumpy ways. With any luck, Mark will find a receipt or something out in the woods. Even more likely, he'll stumble upon Joey's would-be assassin, who's carless and headed toward the freeway with an unconcealable firearm.