Monday, November 15, 2010

Of Deers and Daughters, Part II: Extra, Extra, Bleed all about it!

Mid-October found Frank Johnson in a particularly deerstructive state of mind --

One month later --

Somewhere in the thick of all the deer-punting and those good meals for dinner tonight, Frank found room in his heart for a little change. Change best exemplified in 18 little words:

They're called "air quotes," Mark. Look'em up. The bear a striking resemblance to that bitchy little curl taped to the middle of your forehead.

After knocking Frank's lights out, Mark decides to fuck the wayward Senator's face with a little truth -- Mark Trail just so happens to write a nature column for the local newspaper. And when it comes out in the Daily Bumblefucker that a certain U.S. Senator's been training his sights on innocent little half-pets, all that Just for Gingers (R) endorsement money is going up in bright orange flames. There's only one thing to do.

Senator back-pecs knows it...

Frank knows it...

and even Mark might know it...

...but that two-handed phone action isn't very convincing. Your grandmother at age 16 called, Mark. She wants the way she talked on the phone with her main squeeze back.
More to come.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

A Tale of Deers and Daughters, The Recap

November 9, 2010

Welcome back! That pregnant man-deer fucked up Frank's truck game pretty bad, but shit, that's what happens when you come after Mark. Mother Nature made her choice a long time ago; every Mark Trail fan worth his or her (ed's note: hahahaha) weight in Birdstrikes knows that. The only thing to do now is figure out how we got here.

If this isn't your first time taking a shortcut on the Trail, what follows is predictable. If it is your first, I'm sorry.

It begins with an inanimate object stating the obvious (ed's note: obvious as it pertains to the storyline, not to anything people have ever done in the history of the universe)...

...continues with Mark saving the day despite the physical limitations of space and time...

...sprinkled with a touch of persuasive things that villians are always saying in the heat of the moment...

...politicians will demand answers, but it won't be clear who they're addressing...

...and even though everyone will mull about and watch as defenseless animals get punted around for too long in a hilarious and totally unrealistic fashion... will always end with a right cross and a wickedly clever turn of phrase from Mark Trail.

But the journey doesn't end there. More intrigue to come...

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Mary's Coping Skills on Full Display

September 1, 2009

Bob assessment seems fair enough -- Mary looks like a reasonable person. She'll probably understand...

September 2, 2009

Oh...nope, wait, she didn't understand at all. And I'm not referring to the job opportunity. Mary can't even handle taking the conversation into a different room. She clearly used to expecting the worst from her deadbeat husband. They can't even afford cable. Just look at their daughter, eyes glued to the blank screen, head adrift in a pool of her own really boring adventures.

Meanwhile, in Panel 3...fuck, you know what? No.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Bob Looks for a Job in the Woods, Actually Finds One

August 28, 2009
Undeterred by his municipality's slumping job market, Bob roams an unknown tract of wildnerness in pursuit of a steady paycheck. The decision seems odd but appears to pay off when he runs into a couple of sideburn-dependent acquaintances that also enjoy spending time on undeveloped land just outside of town. Nothing about this situation appears wholesome, but that water cooler's saying all the right things. Iniquity looms...

August 29, 2009

Poaching? In the swampy, alligator-infested woodlands where Bob whiles his weekdays away? You can count his left hand out.

August 31, 2009

Bob is not running out of ways to say that he needs the poaching money but lacks the resolve to commit a crime. Where did that dog go?

Friday, August 28, 2009

Theme of the Latest Mark Trail Adventure -- "Unemployment Blows"

August 26, 2009

Rusty's back, and Mark's willing to spend some quality time with him! A rare occasion indeed. Let's celebrate the moment with a closer look at this blog's namesake --


AGE: 10

HAIR: Blue

EYES: Black n' Wild

GRILL: Slightly spilled


ADOPTION STATUS: Extremely adopted

EMOTIONAL MAKEUP: Upbeat in the most tragic way possible, yelly, interrogative

LIKES: Carrying dogs inappropriately, giving them emasculating names


In other, less important news, some family man named Bob is finding it difficult to find a job in today's economy. He should look into woodsy journalism as a profession. Mark does quite well by it.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Mark Willing to Tell Patty Lookalike That He Isn't Completely Satsified

August 25, 2009

Mark bids adieu to Sister Williams, barring any grievances he may have with the Lost Forest rehabilitation project. A complaint seems unlikely, but keep in mind that Mark hasn't found a reason to punch anyone yet, and few adventures go by without some kind of right cross being thrown.

Speaking of reasons to punch, Patty and erstwhile deaf-mute Doc Davis don't seem all that pleased with Mark's news. Perhaps their distate has less to do with what he's saying and more to do with that oblong cheekbone invading his left eye socket. Whatever. As long as Patty's breasts cast that kind of shadow, Mark will put up with this shit.

Monday, August 24, 2009

The Aftermath -- Ugly Sheriff Expands Homeland Security's Purview, Cowardly Joey Plans to Expose People

August 21, 2009

Mark's synopsis gets a D-minus for brevity but an A-plus for tact -- the action journalist's handsome features gradually vanish out of respect for the homely sheriff.

August 22, 2009

The DHS' website maintains a fairly comprehensive list of the department's responsibilities. Oddly enough, "cleaning up a few barrels of low-grade environmental waste at the behest of a repulsive local authority figure" isn't on it. If only there were some kind of agency dedicated to protecting the enviornment...

August 24, 2009

The only thing shadowy about Joey's apology is, well, all the shadows in his hospital room. They're on sleeves, that weird medicinal pitcher, his sister's breasts...pretty much everywhere. Crazy.