Thursday, August 20, 2009

Zombie Matthau Hunts for a Little Undeserved Sympathy

August 20, 2009

Miraculously, Mark's bumbling would-be assassin didn't die after getting conked in the head with an empty metallic cylinder. One question, Elrod -- where's the disclaimer? You're encouraging youthful Mark Trail fans everywhere to hit each other over the head with empty barrels, and to make matters worse, none of them will die.

Poor, poor Zombie Matthau. All he wanted to do was shoot a young man with a high-powered rifle to warn him about the consequences of snitching on the mafia. Before he knew it, he was setting cars on fire, firing warning shots at Mark, and eventually, attempting to murder Mark after he offered a helping hand out of the woods. And look at him now, beaned on the noggin by a drum. God died today, and Jack Elrod just wrote the eulogy.

In case he doesn't make it, here's a touching tribute to the pinky-fingered assassin, the amateur arsoninst, the unwilling woodsman -- Zombie Matthau*.

*My disclaimer: I know he doesn't always look like Walter Matthau, but appearances can fluctuate (wildly) in Lost Forest, and when I first introduced him to the saga he was the spitting image. When Elrod refused to provide a name of his own, I stuck with Zombie Matthau.

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