Pop's Worry Level Elevated to "Really," Exclamation Points Abound

12/9/08

It's installments like these that make me wonder if Jack Elrod understands what it means to exhibit genuine concern for his fellow man. Consider Pop's course of action over the last 24 hours (Mark Trail time, which translates into 5-7 days in real time):

Late Afternoon Yesterday

A Noah for our modern times, Mark heads into the rapidly draining swamp to find a way to save its inhabitants. Positive vibrations all around.

30 Seconds Later

The greatest Mark Trail panel ever drawn.

Early Evening

Andy expresses initial concern for Mark's well-being. Pop justifiably writes the anxiety off as Andy being a needy, sensitive jerk and offers encouraging words that will certainly go unheeded.

A couple of hours later

No explanation needed here.

Dinner Time

Mark said he would arrive in time for dinner. Which means that Pop's pre-dinner sojourn to the swamp had less to do with looking for Mark than it did with violating God's law. From behind. On top of Andy.

After Dinner

Mark never showed up to eat, but that didn't stop Pop from enjoying his dinner, as well as a cup of joe afterwards. Pop vows to search for Mark, as well as Andy (who's already taken the initiative to search for his friend), soon.

The next morning

"Soon" has yet to arrive 8 hours later, and now Mark has been unaccounted for overnight. Pop makes the responsible decision to spread the worry around but remains uninclined to actually go out and look for him.

Will Pop actually stick to his word and head out to the swamp? Hard to say. There is lunch to be eaten and staring to do. Other people may call about Mark as well. Who else is going to take that call? His reverse-bottomed daughter? Unlikely. Stay tuned.

Pop Is Rightfully Emasculated, Andy Gets a Fifth Wind

12/8/08

Pop's mannish wife has good reason to demand that her husband get some help before setting off after Mark -- the initial search-and-rescue effort consisted of little more than a disturbing inter-species doublestack in the swamp.

Pop has been worrying about Mark for four days; he doesn't seem to be in much of a hurry to find his woodsy friend. Fortunately for our hero, after days of scent-fondling, Andy has picked up the pace as he hits the odious homestrech. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that Mark's best friend will be able to keep up the pace. For those of you keeping score --

Scenes of Andy Optimistically Hustling After Mark: 2

Scenes of Andy Lumbering Around Shamefully: 3

Despite the lackluster effort of everyone on Team Trail, the circumstances still work in Mark's favor, due in large part to Salty's uninspired means of escape.



Up next -- Andy Versus the Shrimp Boat.

Sunday Critterz: The Dastardly Lionfish

Sunday is the only day of the week that Mark Trail makes any sense. NLR extends our appreciation for this moment of relative clarity by offering the Sunday edition of Mark Trail without any snarky, off-color commentary.

December 7's strip examines the impact of the non-native Lionfish on docile Carribean waters.

No Need to Strain Yourself, Andy.

12/6/2008

Andy has picked up Mark's familar odor of Tag Body Spray and deer urine, but his lope turns into a lurching, sickly crawl in a matter of one panel. This could get really ugly, which is ridiculous, because things around here are ugly enough as is.

Damn, Andy, pick up the pace. Heinous Heron is keeping an eye on you, and he's not impressed. Neither are we.

Andy Only Member of Trio Not to Succumb to the Temptation of Dinner Donuts

A worried "Pop" confides to his family mid-doff that Mark hasn't returned to their cabin amongst the endless shrubs as promised. The cabinmaster had hoped Mark would return with good news about the proposed development project (or at least a table setting or two), but he won't, and so the family spends another solitary night at the dinner table, eating hand-held foods and looking gassy.

The real story in today's installment is not the failure of Pop but the triumph of the animals. Heinous Heron, fresh off plotting a successful shotgun-whipping of Mark, works the "everything Mark Trail does takes months to accomplish" angle to discourage any extra effort to track his captive down, but Heinous Heron didn't count on one thing -- Andy don't eat donuts for dinner.

Yet again, Mark's life is in the paws of his best friend. What a fucking dork.

Trio in Pursuit of Mark Trail Sort of Unlikely, Definitely Unlikeable

December 4, 2008

Mark's captors appear to be making a clean getaway in their shrimp boat, but help is on the swampish horizon, and it's carrying on a make-believe conversaton with an emotionally unavailable dog and screaming from the elbow. Does this search party have what it takes to get the job done? Who are these goofballs, anyway?

1) That guy

Defining Characteristics: Uninspired all-blue outfits, impossible hairline.

Impetus for Saving Mark: He is either Mark's father, or just a friend that Mark refers to condescendingly as "Pop." Regarldess, his motives should be called into question -- in a baseball cap, the man is a deadringer for Mark's assailant:

Assailant, alias "Rabbit," offering a mature explanation for why he kidnapped Mark with a shotgun.

That guy, alias "Pop," taking that raccoon from behind.

2) Andy

Defining characteristics: Gets left behind by Mark a lot. Only animal in the Mark Trail universe that can't talk.

Impetus for saving Mark: Nobody sweats Mark's khaki nuts more than Andy. Plus it was only a matter of time before Andy had to save Mark.

3) That raccoon on Andy's back.

Defining characteristics: That rabid animal on Andy's back. Goes by the name "Sneaky." A strange little girl's pet. Probably a huge pussy.

Impetus for saving Mark: Sneaky's been a big fan of the Trailster ever since the old lug took the time to rescue him from involuntarily participating in a twisted game of "Chained Raccoon vs. Pack of Dogs." Now that Mark's been captured by the very same person that captured him, Sneaky's trying to put an end to all of this kidnapping nonsense. What a terrible character.

There you have it. It's three wussy best friends versus three criminal dunderheads. Who will come out victorious? Too early to tell. The only thing we know so far is that we won't. We are so not winning this one.

Crackers tha Perchin' Pelican Will Finally Kill Mark Trail in, I dunno, a Couple of Hours, Probably.

Nobody Loves Rusty is back. Anyone wondering why I stopped posting can turn to Skymall Product Review for answers. Then you can come back and be like, "wow, those aren't justifiable answers," but by the time you return I'll be gone. On with the saga.

So what exactly is going on here? Salty has an oddly shapped cap and Mark at his disposal, but in what we have to assume is a very predictable turn of events, the anticipation of cold, hard cash begins to eat away at the commarderie of this nefarious foursome. All the better that Crackers tha Perchin' Pelican is more familiar with the stall tactics of the hopelessly indebted than he is with traditional nesting grounds of his species, buying himself a "couple of hours" while he goes to get "half the money" from wherever the fuck it is Pelicans get money. Desperate as the measure seems, Crackers appears to have thought this through. After all, who's going to look for "well known guy" Mark Trail on a Shrimp Boat afloat on a lake in Minnesota?

Moreover, what's the backstory here? A quick glance at last week's action offers up some themes familiar to any follower of Mark's adventures:

Theme 1: Mark carries on a gender-muddled conversation with himself in the presence of others.

Theme 2: Local deviants with negative sideburns and no appreciation for a good woman's lovin' hire on as muscle for corporate ne'er-do-wells at less than scale.

Theme 3: Corporate, reverse-bottomed sexual interest tempts faithful Mark to stray after he teaches her about the importance of the wetlands, despite the fact that he totally had to save her from an Alligator in said wetlands.

Theme 4: Anthropomorphic critter lurks in the background waiting for it's chance to strike, confirming yet again that most-ironic constant in any Mark Trail saga: Mark saves animals for free while animals kill Mark for money.

Stay tuned. Thanks for righting the ship, Matt.