Hang on, Joey, I Need to Recap

Again, I've strayed, and again, I'm kind of sorry about it but not really. Mark Trail sucks bunches, and it's hard to stay the course. At this point, I guess i'm only apologizing to myself, so I should probably shutup about it. Onward--

July 21, 2009

Extremely well-shaded critters look on as Mark wills a Jeep Wrangler across the big blue ether toward a hospital. The motive is unclear, but the circumstancial evidence is overwhelming -- Walter Matthau has returned from the grave to shoot Joey Williams, and he's brought a garish tangerine outfit with him. The kind of outfit nobody will notice you wearing as you leave a crime scene.

Clearly NLR is returning to Mark Trail at a seminal moment in the storyline. How did it come to this?

a few weeks ago....

It wasn't always Jeeps and Joyrides for Mark and Joey. Seems Joey's dumping company done been dropping a few unsolicited drums of toxic crude in Lost Forest, and if there's one thing Mark Trail can't stand, it's a chubby, mulletted version of Mark Trail mussing up his home.

In Lost Forest, terrible hair is indicative of a terrible soul -- Joey's coif, like his conscience, walks a fine line. Once the proud owner of a family trucking operation, Joey has put the reputation of his business in dire straits. Man, fuck those tables.

Joey, a victim of his own compulsions, finds himself carrying out run-of-the-mill evil deeds on behalf of a crime syndicate. A crime syndicate headed, apparently, by the moon.

Joey sure knows how to lean into a phone call, doesn't he?

So here we are. The moon has been playing Joey for a sucker, the action literally spilled out into Mark's hood, and now our woodsy hero is about to go all Gran Torino on the moon and the moon's known associates.

Back to Bed, Doc.

1/7/09



Looks like it wasn't Mark at the door after all. But who, pray tell, is Patty? I have no idea. She appears timid, apologetic, and helmety. A closer look is in order; let's break it down panel by panel:

Panel 1

PATTY! WHY WOULD YOU GET THE SAME HAIRCUT AS ME?! IT'S SUCH A TERRIBLE HAIRCUTTTTTT

Panel 2

Patty takes off her coat. She apologizes to Cherry for the interuption, but something is on her mind and she needs to dish.

Panel 3

Patty takes off her coat. She apologizes to Doc for the interuption, but something is on her mind and she needs to dish.

Phew! There's nothing about Mark Trail that can't be deciphered by a good ol' panel-by-panel breakdown. Stay tuned.

Logic Is Not Mark's Preferred Mistress

Things do not bode well for our detectively duo in the week's first installment of Airport Birdstrike Mania. Startled Squirrel picked up Mark and Sam's scent--probably reminiscent of Tag body spray and deer urine--and has darted off to inform the commissioners of the fruitless meddling.

The nervous sentinel's reaction seems to be a tad hasty. Sam is more inclined to avoid contractions and needlessly remind Mark of their location than tread 5 feet from the car to canvas the area for evidence. This leaves the deductive reasoning in the hands of her partner, who can do little more than muster the foregone conclusion that anybody releasing dozens of large birds used a truck, leaving local go-kart and airboat enthusiasts in the clear.

Sam's look of intrigue in panel three caps off an unintriguing day of inaction. While she could be pondering why she places so much faith in a dullard with a curly swath of hair taped to his forehead, she's probably mulling over the fate of her own cranium, the crown of which is sliding around precariously like some kind of top-heavy layer cake.

Master Grey Is (Apparently) Forever

Master Grey finishes laying the sinister groundwork for the second bird-sprinkling, while Leo and Lawson sit and watch the magic unfold. Another anthropomorphic player, City Goose, has entered the game to remind Buzzard of the need for discretion, proving once again that the Commissioners are just as comfortable keeping birds in their employ as they are with releasing them in heavy air traffic.

There is still a slim chance that Mark will somehow free himself from the man-sexy Wildlife Service and their questionable desk-perching mores in time to quash the airport deal. If he can't, that taxpayer money is as good as eaten, for some reason.

This is roughly the 10,000th time that Buzzard's ability to remain mum has come into question.

Jack Elrod: master of shadow and foreshadow. Think this buzzard's gonna sing?

Look Who's Talking--Lawson's Hair

All the pieces are starting to come together. It turns out that Lawson's alter-ego hairpiece, Master Gray, has been pulling the strings on Operation Bird-Sprinkle the entire time. Now the commissioners can only watch as Lawson's silvery curls, one arrogant tress away from total chaos, phone Buzzard to sound the death knell for Sam's precious little airport. Buzzard, angered and confused by Master Gray's straight-to-the-nitty-gritty greeting, adds retarded emphasis to an already emphatic statement, tying up another horribly scripted "Mark Trail" conversation.

Everyone continues to shout at one another. Buzzard continues to be labeled "old" by people who look older than him. Jack Elrod continues to be perplexed by the concepts of light and shadow.