GOD DAMMIT Mark, we were so close to figuring out Patty's deal. You and your creepy Pubelick had to barge in at the break of day and put the latest storyline on ice for the weekend. It's enough to make someone eat their tissue.
So to hell with small talk -- the time for unreasonable speculation has arrived. Patty mentioned yesterday that she turned to the Trails for help because of their love of animals. The inconsequential nature of her predicament belies an attachment worrisome enough to warrant a pre-dawn trip to the cabin made of poop. If I had to guess, Patty's been casually dating some kind of forest creature and she let her heart get involved. Or she's contracted bear herpes. Prove me wrong, Elrod. For everyone's sake.