Mark Willing to Tell Patty Lookalike That He Isn't Completely Satsified

August 25, 2009

Mark bids adieu to Sister Williams, barring any grievances he may have with the Lost Forest rehabilitation project. A complaint seems unlikely, but keep in mind that Mark hasn't found a reason to punch anyone yet, and few adventures go by without some kind of right cross being thrown.

Speaking of reasons to punch, Patty and erstwhile deaf-mute Doc Davis don't seem all that pleased with Mark's news. Perhaps their distate has less to do with what he's saying and more to do with that oblong cheekbone invading his left eye socket. Whatever. As long as Patty's breasts cast that kind of shadow, Mark will put up with this shit.

The Aftermath -- Ugly Sheriff Expands Homeland Security's Purview, Cowardly Joey Plans to Expose People

August 21, 2009

Mark's synopsis gets a D-minus for brevity but an A-plus for tact -- the action journalist's handsome features gradually vanish out of respect for the homely sheriff.

August 22, 2009

The DHS' website maintains a fairly comprehensive list of the department's responsibilities. Oddly enough, "cleaning up a few barrels of low-grade environmental waste at the behest of a repulsive local authority figure" isn't on it. If only there were some kind of agency dedicated to protecting the enviornment...

August 24, 2009

The only thing shadowy about Joey's apology is, well, all the shadows in his hospital room. They're on sleeves, that weird medicinal pitcher, his sister's breasts...pretty much everywhere. Crazy.

Sunday Selections: Flying Fish

Sunday is the only day of the week that Mark Trail makes any sense. NLR extends our appreciation for this moment of relative clarity by offering the Sunday edition of Mark Trail without any snarky, off-color commentary. This week's installment takes a closer look at the Flying Fish.

Zombie Matthau Hunts for a Little Undeserved Sympathy

August 20, 2009

Miraculously, Mark's bumbling would-be assassin didn't die after getting conked in the head with an empty metallic cylinder. One question, Elrod -- where's the disclaimer? You're encouraging youthful Mark Trail fans everywhere to hit each other over the head with empty barrels, and to make matters worse, none of them will die.

Poor, poor Zombie Matthau. All he wanted to do was shoot a young man with a high-powered rifle to warn him about the consequences of snitching on the mafia. Before he knew it, he was setting cars on fire, firing warning shots at Mark, and eventually, attempting to murder Mark after he offered a helping hand out of the woods. And look at him now, beaned on the noggin by a drum. God died today, and Jack Elrod just wrote the eulogy.

In case he doesn't make it, here's a touching tribute to the pinky-fingered assassin, the amateur arsoninst, the unwilling woodsman -- Zombie Matthau*.

*My disclaimer: I know he doesn't always look like Walter Matthau, but appearances can fluctuate (wildly) in Lost Forest, and when I first introduced him to the saga he was the spitting image. When Elrod refused to provide a name of his own, I stuck with Zombie Matthau.

Jack Elrod is Totally Following This Blog

August 19, 2009

From yesterday's post: "Zombie Matthau, you fool! You didn't realize that the reverberations from a single rifle shot were powerful enough to send that stable pile of drums all a-tumblin' down?"

As usual, I gave Mark too much credit -- he had no idea the drums were going to fall. Either that or he didn't expect one of the drums to merge with Zombie Matthau's head in a flash of white light.

When Mundane Monologues Meet, Awkward Mindgames Ensue

August 15, 2009

Negotiations begin. Mark, affable dumbo that he is, offers to guide his foe out of the woods in exchange for disarmament. Zombie Matthau balks at the terms. That tree wonders if Zombie Matthau knows how turned around he is. I bet he does.

August 16, 2009

Zombie Matthau's right about Mark -- he is crazy. Zombie Matthau's also right about that warning shot being a mistake. The only thing he's wrong about is resembling Zombie Matthau. His super tiny rifle also appears to be wrong.

August 18, 2009

There are several reasons to hate Mark Trail. Most are on display in today's strip. Consider --

EVERYBODY IS SAYING MISTER. Elrod found the most dated way to address someone and shoved it down our throats for three installments straight. They're all pussy weirdos, we get it! He's pulling the trigger with his fucking pinky finger!

Andy is telling himself to duck. Very plausible.

Zombie Matthau, you fool! You didn't realize that the reverberations from a single rifle shot were powerful enough to send that stable pile of drums all a-tumblin' down?

Mark did. That's why he arranged those phony negotiations: to create the sound waves necessary to rouse the barrels from their slumber! And you fell for it, Zombie Matthau. Now your tacky wardrobe will suffer the consequences.

Sunday Selections: Fires

Sunday is the only day of the week that Mark Trail makes any sense. NLR extends our appreciation for this moment of relative clarity by offering the Sunday edition of Mark Trail without any snarky, off-color commentary. This week's topic -- forest fire prevention.