Zombie Matthau Hunts for a Little Undeserved Sympathy

August 20, 2009

Miraculously, Mark's bumbling would-be assassin didn't die after getting conked in the head with an empty metallic cylinder. One question, Elrod -- where's the disclaimer? You're encouraging youthful Mark Trail fans everywhere to hit each other over the head with empty barrels, and to make matters worse, none of them will die.

Poor, poor Zombie Matthau. All he wanted to do was shoot a young man with a high-powered rifle to warn him about the consequences of snitching on the mafia. Before he knew it, he was setting cars on fire, firing warning shots at Mark, and eventually, attempting to murder Mark after he offered a helping hand out of the woods. And look at him now, beaned on the noggin by a drum. God died today, and Jack Elrod just wrote the eulogy.

In case he doesn't make it, here's a touching tribute to the pinky-fingered assassin, the amateur arsoninst, the unwilling woodsman -- Zombie Matthau*.

*My disclaimer: I know he doesn't always look like Walter Matthau, but appearances can fluctuate (wildly) in Lost Forest, and when I first introduced him to the saga he was the spitting image. When Elrod refused to provide a name of his own, I stuck with Zombie Matthau.

Jack Elrod is Totally Following This Blog

August 19, 2009

From yesterday's post: "Zombie Matthau, you fool! You didn't realize that the reverberations from a single rifle shot were powerful enough to send that stable pile of drums all a-tumblin' down?"

As usual, I gave Mark too much credit -- he had no idea the drums were going to fall. Either that or he didn't expect one of the drums to merge with Zombie Matthau's head in a flash of white light.

Would-Be Assassin's Going to Settle Mark's Hash Mano a Monologue

August 11, 2009

Predictably, Mark's crow-startling shimmy up the worst tree in the forest compromised his location, and now it's advantage Matthau all over again. Will our Orange Assassin offer up another unrealistic shoulder wound --

...or will it be fatal this time around? Stay tuned.

Mark Climbs Up the Down Tree

August 10, 2009

The crows are saying what we're all thinking, Mark -- that's a good way to spot someone from above, but a better way to be spotted by someone below.

In other Trail-related news, Mark turned out to be correct about Zombie Matthau's "shoot Joey to encourage not talking" intentions...

...which we all would've realized if he'd been muttering super-pussy shit like this to himself earlier...

Andy's Superior Olefactory Senses Lead Mark to a Smoldering Car 15 Feet From the Crime Scene

August 3, 2009








Sweet Georgia peaches, Andy's uncovered quite the dilly pickle! Sometimes it takes a dog to smell a recently extinguished car fire.

For most people, "Holy Mackerel" is an outdated cliche. As the consummate naturalist, Mark actually worships fish, which means he is taking the lord's name in vain. Pretty heavy stuff for a man with dimples that can be seen from the back of his head.

With Mark n' Andy hot on his trail, Zombie Matthau needs a quick escape, which doesn't seem likely at this point --












If an idiot monologues in the woods and nobody can hear it, does he make a sound?

Assassin's Car Trouble Leads to Goofiness, Questionable Decision-Making

July 22, 2009

Zombie hitman Walter Matthau can't seem to navigate his sedan past an obstacle that, logically, he must have avoided on his way to the assasination attempt. Startled Squrrel can only stare in amazement in Panel 3 as Walter explains what everybody else already knows about ditches.

July 23, 2009

Unable to accelerate out of the ditch, Walter goes to Plan B -- like, really really gun it this time. Plan B fails.

Time is running out for Walter. He's stuck in the middle of the woods, nary a soul to be seen, save that unnaturally curious Squirrel in the tree. He can't stop touching the car even as he complains about the abundance of prints on the vehicle. Unwanted attention must be avoided at all costs. Plan C emerges -- set the car on fire. Unfortunately for everyone, the fire failed to spread to his jacket.

July 24, 2009

Immolation nearly complete, Zombie Matthau sets the final stage of Plan C into motion -- take the gun show to the highway. A nearby tree elects to stay in the woods for a while longer in Panel 1. It's the smartest decision anyone/anything has made in Mark Trail this week.