Monday, November 15, 2010

Of Deers and Daughters, Part II: Extra, Extra, Bleed all about it!

Mid-October found Frank Johnson in a particularly deerstructive state of mind --




One month later --




Somewhere in the thick of all the deer-punting and those good meals for dinner tonight, Frank found room in his heart for a little change. Change best exemplified in 18 little words:




They're called "air quotes," Mark. Look'em up. The bear a striking resemblance to that bitchy little curl taped to the middle of your forehead.

After knocking Frank's lights out, Mark decides to fuck the wayward Senator's face with a little truth -- Mark Trail just so happens to write a nature column for the local newspaper. And when it comes out in the Daily Bumblefucker that a certain U.S. Senator's been training his sights on innocent little half-pets, all that Just for Gingers (R) endorsement money is going up in bright orange flames. There's only one thing to do.

Senator back-pecs knows it...



Frank knows it...


and even Mark might know it...

...but that two-handed phone action isn't very convincing. Your grandmother at age 16 called, Mark. She wants the way she talked on the phone with her main squeeze back.
More to come.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

A Tale of Deers and Daughters, The Recap

November 9, 2010



Welcome back! That pregnant man-deer fucked up Frank's truck game pretty bad, but shit, that's what happens when you come after Mark. Mother Nature made her choice a long time ago; every Mark Trail fan worth his or her (ed's note: hahahaha) weight in Birdstrikes knows that. The only thing to do now is figure out how we got here.


If this isn't your first time taking a shortcut on the Trail, what follows is predictable. If it is your first, I'm sorry.

It begins with an inanimate object stating the obvious (ed's note: obvious as it pertains to the storyline, not to anything people have ever done in the history of the universe)...






...continues with Mark saving the day despite the physical limitations of space and time...



...sprinkled with a touch of persuasive things that villians are always saying in the heat of the moment...




...politicians will demand answers, but it won't be clear who they're addressing...





...and even though everyone will mull about and watch as defenseless animals get punted around for too long in a hilarious and totally unrealistic fashion...








...it will always end with a right cross and a wickedly clever turn of phrase from Mark Trail.





But the journey doesn't end there. More intrigue to come...