Patty Craves Forgiveness in Any Form; Mark and Cherry Meld Faces

1/9/09

As anticipated, Mark's early return has thrown a wrench in Patty's confession plans, and now all she can do is wait for Mark and Cherry to reclaim their respective jawlines and exchange pleasantries with the rest of the family. Mark's face in panel two suggests that he may have walked away with a little more chin than he brought to the hug; it's a problem that will take presidence over all non-face-related issues this morning.

Patty is one mea cupla over the standard apology limit for this situation -- whatever she's done is seriously eating away at her conscience. In no way does that excuse her grating pleas for atonement. I'm just saying, it's bad.

Mark's Unexpected Arrival a Firm Reminder that We Were Never Meant to Understand Patty's Problem

1/9/09

GOD DAMMIT Mark, we were so close to figuring out Patty's deal. You and your creepy Pubelick had to barge in at the break of day and put the latest storyline on ice for the weekend. It's enough to make someone eat their tissue.

So to hell with small talk -- the time for unreasonable speculation has arrived. Patty mentioned yesterday that she turned to the Trails for help because of their love of animals. The inconsequential nature of her predicament belies an attachment worrisome enough to warrant a pre-dawn trip to the cabin made of poop. If I had to guess, Patty's been casually dating some kind of forest creature and she let her heart get involved. Or she's contracted bear herpes. Prove me wrong, Elrod. For everyone's sake.

Spit it Out, Patty. SPIT. IT. OUT.

1/8/09

It merited attention before, but now I feel compelled to point out that Mark n' Cherry's Lost Forest abode is preposterously brown. It looks like a giant chocolate monster pooped it out for them. Monochromatic logs can be expected, but matching oven mitts, frying pans, mirrors, model ships, and deer carcai?

Mark and Cherry -- huge fans of the brown.

Cherry's speaking for all of us in the first panel. Patty needs to get a grip and explain the predicament, not the rationale behind her visit to Big Dump Cabin. The line between suspense and poor timing isn't that thin -- a three-part sequence would've been appropriate, but day three of "what the fuck is your problem, Patty" has come and gone and we're still in the dark. Shitty installment all around.

Back to Bed, Doc.

1/7/09



Looks like it wasn't Mark at the door after all. But who, pray tell, is Patty? I have no idea. She appears timid, apologetic, and helmety. A closer look is in order; let's break it down panel by panel:

Panel 1

PATTY! WHY WOULD YOU GET THE SAME HAIRCUT AS ME?! IT'S SUCH A TERRIBLE HAIRCUTTTTTT

Panel 2

Patty takes off her coat. She apologizes to Cherry for the interuption, but something is on her mind and she needs to dish.

Panel 3

Patty takes off her coat. She apologizes to Doc for the interuption, but something is on her mind and she needs to dish.

Phew! There's nothing about Mark Trail that can't be deciphered by a good ol' panel-by-panel breakdown. Stay tuned.

Recurring Theme at Casa de Trail -- Wood

1/6/09

You know what the worst part about today's strip is? It probably is Mark pounding on the front door furiously in the wee hours of the morning.

Tomorrow, Cherry will throw the door open and Mark will be standing at the threshold in all of his khaki glory, shit-eating grin etched across his angular mandible. He'll say something like, "Hi Cherry, I'm Mark Trail! I've missed you and love your looks! The water's back in the swamp... that's quite a haircut you've got there!" Cherry will smile and primp in that possessed, I-have-no-eyes manner she's so fond of.

And she'll take her man back to bed, never to gnash her teeth alone again. There's no way it couldn't be Mark. Or couldn't it? No way. Stay tuned...

This Is Some Fucked-Up Shit Right Here

1/5/09

Primal heat boils over as Cherry puts her new coif on display for the benefit of a sophisticated elder. Outside, owl and rodent lay down the innuendo naturally. The way the old man cradles his pipe in panel three says it all -- Cherry's hairdo is for sure 15% less helmety than it was before. Again. Take a peek for your sexy self:

Mark has women fawning over him constantly and spends a great deal of time on the road; who cares if Cherry indulges in a little action on the side? Fuck, at least his ass isn't on the wrong end of his body.

Oh gosh, hold on now, I remember the problem:

That old dude is Cherry's dad. No wonder Cherry had her eyes sewn shut. The shame must be overwhelming. Worst adaptation of Oedipus Rex ever, Elrod.

Holiday Recap Part 2: The Suggestive Aftermath

12/31/08

Looks like Mr. Elrod decided to buck the trend and wrap up this adventure by the end of the week. Guess he thought all of the smarmy bloggers would be too preoccupied with New Year's festivities to remember their obligation to smarm. Tough chutney, Jack-o. It's in the spirit of meritless vegeance that I present the second (and final) holiday recap of this flawed tale.

The unsteady pace of the narrative has thrown the aging process completely off-course, and it's taking a toll on Mark's face. Rounded, cherubic features wizen into an angular, pensive mess in but a panel's time. Plus, we learn that rural policemen wear blue cowboy hats.

Our woodsy journalist has got to be happy with the overall outcome of his kidnapping. Not only did he successfully escape his would-be deporters, but Mark even managed to conjure up some completely unfounded drug-smuggling accusations in the process. I looked back through my archives to find any hint of drug-related activity since the Ruffled Crotch Crew worked their way into the storyline. You know what I found?

Mark seems to be the only one lending any credence to his theory, without any hard evidence to back it up. In fact, December 31st is the first time drugs are ever mentioned. Not quite sure why Elrod thinks he can slip that by a devoted reader. There aren't exactly a lot of loose ends to tie up at the end of a Mark Trail adventure.

You know what else I discovered? Sue looks weird when she's patronizing people....

Sue is also a big perv....

Pop masks the shame that comes with be a procrastinating, buggy-mistaking jerkfuck by surrounding himself with rabid animals and soon-to-be-rabid children...

and that's about it.