Holiday Recap Part 2: The Suggestive Aftermath

12/31/08

Looks like Mr. Elrod decided to buck the trend and wrap up this adventure by the end of the week. Guess he thought all of the smarmy bloggers would be too preoccupied with New Year's festivities to remember their obligation to smarm. Tough chutney, Jack-o. It's in the spirit of meritless vegeance that I present the second (and final) holiday recap of this flawed tale.

The unsteady pace of the narrative has thrown the aging process completely off-course, and it's taking a toll on Mark's face. Rounded, cherubic features wizen into an angular, pensive mess in but a panel's time. Plus, we learn that rural policemen wear blue cowboy hats.

Our woodsy journalist has got to be happy with the overall outcome of his kidnapping. Not only did he successfully escape his would-be deporters, but Mark even managed to conjure up some completely unfounded drug-smuggling accusations in the process. I looked back through my archives to find any hint of drug-related activity since the Ruffled Crotch Crew worked their way into the storyline. You know what I found?

Mark seems to be the only one lending any credence to his theory, without any hard evidence to back it up. In fact, December 31st is the first time drugs are ever mentioned. Not quite sure why Elrod thinks he can slip that by a devoted reader. There aren't exactly a lot of loose ends to tie up at the end of a Mark Trail adventure.

You know what else I discovered? Sue looks weird when she's patronizing people....

Sue is also a big perv....

Pop masks the shame that comes with be a procrastinating, buggy-mistaking jerkfuck by surrounding himself with rabid animals and soon-to-be-rabid children...

and that's about it.

Mark Outsources His Man-Carrying Responsibilities at Rifle-Point

12/30/08

Swamp camouflage? "Fellows?" Is that all it takes to thwart a swarthy crew of blue-capped thugs? Guess so. The ginger must have seen this coming. He had today's date tattooed on his neck, for Christ's sake.

Will Mark really tie up this adventure's loose ends in less than a week? Ardent Trail enthusiasts who've suffered through never-ending sagas before may be reluctant to concur. Elrod has a tendency to build the tension very slowly, plow through the climax as quickly as he can, and languish in the denouement for a month. I picked my brain for some sort of real-world analogy that would capture the essence of how annoying this storytelling method truly is, but it doesn't seem necessary at this juncture. Let's see how this plays out.

NLR Holiday Wrap-Up: Mark Kicks a Guy in the Head Really Hard

12/29/08

Mark has somehow applied the perfect amount of force so as to disable his opponent without fracturing his skull or leaving him otherwise permanently impaired. The dude's shirt isn't even untucked. Judging by that look of twisted pleasure on Mark's face in panel one, however, that won't be the case for much longer. Not after he takes down Beard-o's compadres, anyway. Shit might get pretty weird at that point. Andy seems to approve.

Those henchmen seemed so optimistic last week. What happened? Now that the first major holiday of the season is behind us, a synopsis is in order. Let me take you back:

When we left, Pop had grown hopelessly exhausted from standing next to his swamp tractor and was reduced to leaning awkwardly on Sue. Little has changed in that department...

Fortunately for Sue, Mark stumbled upon this pathetic search party after misidentifying Pop's tractor, a theme that has become all too common in this saga...

Mark sums up his kidnappers' motivations with the spare eloquence and unfounded egotism befitting his profession...

A thug's prayer for a no-surprises encounter with Mark goes unanswered....

And Jack Elrod had no idea where Mark Trail was the entire time.

Pop Finally Collapses Under the Weight of His Inefficacy

12/19/08

It's about time Pop's vulnerable side played out in this saga. We should've seen this coming when his pants blended in with his ride and his shirt turned whatever color "invisible" is. 

Pity is certainly not in order. His "tractors are swamp buggies/I'll gladly leave my friends unaccounted for in the wilderness overnight" ethos holds less water than his fading swamp. Constant massages are no way for Sue to overcome this unexpected melodrama. Fortunately for Mark, who oddly enough is the only person nearby whose situation merits any consideration at all, rangers may help.  It may be best for Sue to finish this rescue mission alone. But that will obviously never happen.  

Don't Make that Face at Us, Mark.

12/18/08

It's hard to tell if that really is Mark revising his escape plan in the first panel. He's got the preference for khakis. He's got that familiar pubic hair dangling off the middle of his head. It's gotta be Mark. It's just a little harder to tell than usual.

"Harder to tell than usual" is a common theme in every panel of this installment. It's hard to tell why dog tracks would indicate that Mark couldn't be too far away. It's even harder to gauge Sue's location or size in the third panel as she massages Pop on his so-so-busted tractor. Above all, it's hardest to tell when Pop will realize that time has erased every spark of physical and mental acuity in his fragile denim body. If I had to take a guess, that moment of clarity will come after he sticks a few more inches of hand into that sputtering engine.