That's Not a Swamp Buggy, Pop. That's a Fucking Tractor. Come on Now.

12/16/08

I hate to throw out foul language so early in a posting, but Pop is such a lazy-ass syphilitic douchebag weirdo. Mark has been missing for nearly a full day in Trail time, which is like 10 years in reality. What's more, if Pop's creepy daughter is to be believed, Mark's actually related to the man. Now, after urgings from his wife, a dog, and some corporate bigwig that's actually working against Mark's interests, the best effort Pop can muster is some QT with the front-butted lady on a run-down tractor? Next time you want to show off a fancy swamp-related vehicle nobody's ever heard of, old man, make sure it's not a deadringer for the most iconic piece of farm equipment in the history of modern agriculture. God you suck.

It's a good thing Mark's a self-starter. Despite the outlandish international expectations he has for that shrimp boat he was imprisoned on, things seem to be shapping up real well for our woodsy hero. Thug No. 2 has returned to find Mark missing, and he's wasting his time with hurtful words that everybody's going to end up regretting. Sneaky reinlisted in the search at some point and now roams the swamplands with his one-time liberator. Andy is nowhere to be found. And, in the most unlikely twist of all, Mark is showing everyone what it means to run like a pervert. Good luck, bad guys. You're going to need a lot of swamp buggies to catch up with this train.

Mark Jumps to Outdated Conclusions About Those Guys on the Boat; Pop Drags a Swamp Buggy Into His Web of Lies

12/15/08

Mark's exodus continues, with the help of every animal still dwelling in the swamp. He has no discernable reason to believe that those sad sacks on the boat are smuggling anything, but if he doesn't come up with some illegal activity, there's no justification for returning to the boat in Pop's "swamp buggy" to punch their faces. So smuggling it is.

Meanwhile, back at the swamp house, Pop is talking about how he's going to look for Mark with what we have to assume is a dual personality, but Sue's non-exclamatory response says it all -- Pop is soooo full of shit. Strange installment indeed.

Andy Makes It to the Shrimp Boat

12/10/08

Exhausted from an all-night pursuit, Andy takes cover behind a tree and some unusual-colored swamp fronds to better assess his friend's state of captivity. Mark is still alive but certainly worse for wear, having aged several years over the last 12 hours ("Forever 32" my ass). His frumpiness levels appear to be off the charts as well. Looks like Andy arrived just in the nick of time. We're all so grateful, there's no point in questioning the shrimp boaters' decision to stop at a dock only dog-wandering distance from their point of origin.

Opportunity has opened a door for Mark but closed a window for Pop, who's down to his last plausible excuse for not searching for his comrade-in-khakis. It seems unlikely that a Type-A'er like Sue (she of the reverse bottom) will procrastinate for any length of time.

Enjoy the moment while you can, Pop. Soon you'll have to leave your random cabin on the edge of a dying swamp and venture 3 or 4 miles by vehicle to the shrimp boat, arriving just in time to see an unbound Mark punch his way to freedom.